I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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