Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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