i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
