She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
