I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
