is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
