she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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