pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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