girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
