I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
