we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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