It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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