Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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