It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
