you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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