theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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