It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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