GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
