my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
