were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
