Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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