The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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