Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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