If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
