i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
