im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
