My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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