I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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