dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
