You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We left the knife in your bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
