we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
