He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We need to rekindle our bromance
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
