Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
