I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
