omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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