will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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