I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
home. puking in laundry basket.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
