I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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