On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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