U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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