one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
