I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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