I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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