Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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