i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
