So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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