apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
