ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
