Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
