I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
