Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
