we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
