So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
