You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
