The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
