We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
