walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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