I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
