I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
