i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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