dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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