im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize