Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
