I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
