You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
