yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
