it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
