Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
