i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
