If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
